Hey friends,
We are embodied people. When I start counseling with people, this is often where I will begin. We are people who make sense of our lives and experiences through story-telling, in which our external and internal experiences are filtered through an amalgamation of our thoughts, our emotions, our actions, and our body feelings. We create meaning about our lives and our stories using these as filters. But what if these things weren’t reliable? Then what?
I typically start with these four, drawn in a triangle as below:
So, the arrows indicate the interrelatedness of the parts. How you think affects what you do and how you feel, how you feel affects what you’re thinking about and what you do, etc. You get it. And in the middle of all of this is how your body feels. Are you feeling tired? Hungry? Energetic? Cold, nauseated, sick? These are all body feelings. But why start with these?
Let me ask you: What would be easiest to change if you wanted to? The answer I hear most often is actions, though other answers aren’t uncommon. On the flip side, what would be most difficult to change if you wanted to? I hear thoughts and emotions most often for this answer.
Our Emotions
As far as emotions go, they come and go. They aren’t always informed by facts. You can become very upset over what turned out to be a small understanding that snowballed into the makings of a sitcom episode. You can have a panic attack when there is no identifiable danger. You can feel depressed when there is nothing particularly sad happening in your life. Emotions aren’t always dependable signals off of which to base decision making- you can have a lot of anxiety about enrolling in college, or starting a new job. It could still be the wisest course of action for you, despite having anxiety. Emotions are a signal to us, but we aren’t meant to “follow [our hearts]”. In fact, the Bible tells us plainly that “the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can understand it?”
God understands our hearts and He knows our frame. He isn’t intimidated or thrown off by our emotional experiences. In fact, He has great compassion for what is going on inside our hearts. He doesn’t command us to “stop crying and get your act together”. No, instead He encourages us to “cast our anxieties on Him, because He cares for us”. Emotions are a powerful thing, and sometimes they can feel completely paralyzing or overwhelming to us. But God is ready, able, and wanting to be our firm anchor in the midst of the storms of our life that blow our emotions to and fro.
“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”
Ephesians 4:25-27
However, sometimes our emotions are a helpful signal that tip us off that something is wrong, or something is right. The Bible is clear that there are occasions that it is appropriate to be angry. Paul tells us in Ephesians to “be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil”. I know for me, when I finally understood anger wasn’t purely sinful, it felt so foreign. My own, childlike self had grown up categorizing emotions into “good” and “bad”. I think most people grow up with this kind of basic understanding of emotions. Because honestly, “good” and “bad” really could be also stated as “comfortable” and “uncomfortable”.
| Comfortable Emotions | Uncomfortable Emotions |
| Happiness | Sadness |
| Surprise | Shock |
| Contentment | Fear |
| Love | Anger |
| Compassion | Embarrassment |
| Pride | Loneliness |
| Excitement | Shame |
| Relaxed | Disgust |
Friends, we all experience this wide range of emotions. When we have the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, we are empowered to choose righteousness, in spite of what uncomfortable emotions we are feeling on the inside. Check out my post tomorrow as we explore anger.
See you then, friends,
Rachel
Fox Family Counseling 