How does secular counseling approach suffering?
Let’s first take a look at the ceiling that secular wisdom would lend to this situation. When we turn to what we can do by our own efforts to address suffering, we often run into some version of ACT, Acceptance and Committment Therapy. ACT aims to improve functionality and psychologic flexibility using six core processes. The six processes are:
contacting the present moment (taking the time to be aware and take in your current body feelings and experiences),
defusion (challenging thoughts for truth and helpfulness to the current situation),
acceptance (tolerance of negative thoughts and feelings, focusing on what is in our control),
self-as-context (we are not our worried thoughts and feelings, we experience worried thoughts and feelings),
Values (remembering to keep your values in sight, which is hard in the midst of a panicked situation), and
committed action (setting achievable goals that align with your personal values).
The above certainly contains helpful tools for all people to use in light of suffering, and it can only take you so far. Eventually, you will hit the ceiling of what you can accomplish on your own, and at that point you will still have suffering to try to cope with. Reaching the end of themselves, folks will typically try to distract themselves from the situation with busyness, try to medicate the pain with a wide variety of techniques (shopping, sex, smoking, drugs, eating, etc.), deny that things are really that bad (minimize their own experiences), or look to something or someone to be their savior. And only God can stand up under the weight of the role of Savior. But all of those attempts at survival will ultimately leave people worse off in the end. This is a problem of the heart that only the One who made the heart can remedy.
Jesus, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief
Thankfully, the Bible is far from silent on the topic of suffering. Jesus Himself was described as not really attractive or eye catching, with “nothing to cause us to take a second look. He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at him and people turned away. We looked down on him, thought he was scum” (Isaiah 53:2-3, MSG). “We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all – all but the sin” (Hebrews 4:15, MSG). We have a Savior who can empathize with our suffering and our sorrows, because He experienced them, too.
God the Father is not far removed from our sufferings, either. David writes that God has “kept track of all my wandering and my weeping. You’ve stored my many tears in your bottle—not one will be lost. For they are all recorded in your book of remembrance” (Psalm 56:8). Our Heavenly Father sees our sadness and mourning and takes note of it. He responds with tender mercies, promising to “[heal] the brokenhearted and [bind] up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3) He is described as “the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4a). But His timing is not our timing, and that can cause confusion and despair as we are waiting. David writes about this exact experience:
“As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.”
Psalm 42
I’m so thankful that God included psalms like this in the Bible. I didn’t understand the emotional impact of sad psalms like this as a child. They started resonating within me as I started experiencing suffering and difficulty as an adult. It became a comfort to me. Our pain is met with compassion. The Lord promises to be “near to the brokenhearted and [save] the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He is not scared off or turned off by our suffering and pain; He wants us to “call upon [Him] in the day of trouble” (Psalm 50:15a)
So, notice how David cries out to the Lord. He doesn’t try to pretend that everything is fine when it’s clearly not. He gives room to his emotions and his experience in a way that honors the Lord. He talks of being mocked and oppressed by enemies. But consider how he describes experiencing this. He tearfully longs for the day he can come before the Lord again in His temple. Perhaps he has difficulty sleeping at night. He may have lost his appetite as he describes his tears as his food “day and night”. He talks of feeling physically beat down, “all Your breakers and Your waves have gone over me”. He asks God why he has been forgotten and why he is stuck in such a mournful situation in life. He describes his soul as “in turmoil” and “cast down”. This is a psalm of misery and depression.
Yet, he echoes encouragement to himself within the psalm to “hope in God, for I shall again praise Him; my salvation and my God.” Even in the midst of asking God what the heck is going on, he emphasizes that God is “his rock”. He reminds himself that “by day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with [him]”. He acknowledges his very real struggles, and reminds himself of what is true. It may feel strange to hold these two things in your hands at once: “stuff really sucks” and “God is still good”. Just because they don’t seem to fit together doesn’t mean they don’t.
We are encouraged in Romans 12 to “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” This is the kind of verse, at least for me, that is a great Bible memory verse, but such a challenge to apply when I am the one going through suffering. When I am going through seasons of depression, or am on a shoestring budget, struggle with anxiety, or work and home are both on fire, it is easy for me to cry out to the Lord and ask “Why have you forgotten me?” just like David did. It’s very easy to feel alone, isolated within the pain we are experiencing. It’s easy for the anxiety and panic to start to take over my mental life- to where I am thinking about it constantly whether I like to or not. I’m not telling you that I have this all figured out- far from it. But what this verse is telling us is that we are urged to rejoice even in the face of struggles and tribulations. But this is the exact opposite of what conventional wisdom would point to, and the opposite of what our emotions would point to. It’s hard to put a brave face on a stark situation. The best I can muster up is putting on a mask and pretending the dumpster’s not on fire…which is just toxic positivity.
God is our anchor in the storms of life
Suppressing your painful emotions, ignoring your problems, internally experiencing guilt over your pain, and putting on a happy face that’s incongruent with your internal experience are all features of toxic positivity. This disconnection with yourself also can lead to a deep discomfort and disconnection with the suffering of others. It can lead you to say super helpful stuff like “at least it’s not worse”, “look on the bright side”, or “everything happens for a reason”- none of which are helpful at all. A culture that idolizes happiness and success doesn’t leave much room for suffering and difficulty. Many of us are short on empathy for ourselves, much less others; and can feel unsure what to say or do when somebody bursts out crying. We don’t have the capacity in our own efforts to respond in a God-honoring way, at least for long. How are we supposed to rejoice in suffering?
It’s precisely because of this that I am convinced it is only a work of the Holy Spirit within us that can bring us to the place of being able to “rejoice in hope” while experiencing tribulation. It’s not rejoicing in the suffering or finding the silver lining to the dark rain clouds of despair. The hope of glory that we have in Christ is where we must anchor ourselves. We are able to be patient in tribulation because we remember that God is with us and will carry us through it. We are “more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37b-39). We can rejoice in this hope- that nothing can separate us from His loving protection. We are safe in His hands.
He never wastes suffering, and it certainly wasn’t what He intended. But because He allowed free will, He allowed a choice for sin to be made, and the world was enslaved to sin as an outcome of that decision. He allows sin and suffering in this world for a short time, then “creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption (sin) and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.” (Romans 12:21) In the meantime, He has told us that we will suffer in this present age, but “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:17). He has promised that “after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10b). He will restore us to Himself. We will be freed from the struggles of sin and will be glorified. Jesus has assured us that one day “He will wipe every tear from [our] eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things [will have] passed away” (Revelation 21:4) We are currently living in the “old order of things”, which includes death, mourning, crying, and pain.
In the meantime, we are commanded to be “constant in prayer”. We are to “pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.” Fight the good fight of the faith.” (1 Timothy 6:11b-12a) Suffering is real, it is heart-wrenching, and sometimes there’s no clear end in sight. Bring it to the Lord in prayer as you remind yourself of the hope you have in the Lord’s promises and His love poured out on you. Preach the certainty of His love toward you to yourself straight from the Bible. Quote His promises back to Him in prayer, and thank Him for His faithfulness.
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
1 Peter 5:10
We are also given the body of Christ as our community. The body of Christ is called to “rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). We are equipped powerfully with the tools to do this from “…the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too” (1 Corinthians 1:3b-5). God is where life is found. He is love itself. He is your lifeline, your buoy in the storm, your sure and firm foundation when everything else is uncertain. June Hunt sums it up well: “contentment and fulfillment are found in relationship with the Lord, who is always with you”, even in the midst of suffering.
Follow this post as I talk about how we can deal with shame from a Biblical perspective.
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